7 Revelations of Running in a Big City
- You’ll be forced to run in place because of stoplights on every corner. This inevitably makes me wonder why I didn’t just run at home on my treadmill where the whole city doesn’t have to see my butt jiggle in my spandex.
- Your music will likely cause you to yell at people. Not on purpose. But if I have to mutter a quick excuse me as I high-jump over someone’s dog leash, it usually sounds more like EXCUSE ME due to the blaring music in my ears. Tip: don’t make eye-contact after the jump—it will prevent the receiver from having a chance to give you a nasty look.
- Segways always have the right-away….but the pay-off is that you can silently chuckle inside as they wheel past you. And trust me, this should not be considered snarky and cruel—what would be cruel is if they dressed up in their helmets and fanny packs, did donuts around the park, and expected you not to be a little entertained.
- Most adults have forgotten how to walk in a straight line. This (surprisingly) doesn’t make me mad. But it does make me feel guilty, because on many occasions I find myself clipping someone’s suitcase as I run by like lightning (well, if lightning bolts flash by in slow motion).
- Never run on Sunday morning. You will be intoxicated by the aroma of brunch as it seeps out of every restaurant, which means you’ll end up thinking about bacon and eggs the entire run. No joking here: even if you’re a vegetarian, Sunday morning bacon-aroma will Take. You. Down.
- If you’re used to running in the suburbs, you’ll have to kick some of your old habits. As you’re pleasantly jogging by people in the suburbs, it’s nice (and polite) to nod and say “hello,” but if you do that in a big city, you’re going to feel like you’re having a seizure the entire time you’re running.
- Don’t use store windows as mirrors as you run by. No matter how fantastic your gazelle legs look in leggings, no matter how cute your ponytail is when it bounces up and down, please please resist the temptation to look at yourself in store windows. Trust me, it looks stupid. I’ve done it before and I’m still judging myself for it.